Your baby came too early. Now you are trying to recover, possibly in a
drug-induced haze, agonizing over her condition, standing helpless by
her bedside. One of the most difficult experiences in the life of a
parent is too watch your child suffer, and not be able to do anything
about it.
If this is where you're at today, I've been there too. Take heart
friend- there are ways that you can help and care for your baby, long
before he is able to snuggle in your arms. Here are a few ideas:
1. Be there. Even though you can't hold him, and may feel
useless, your presence is of utmost importance. Your baby recognizes
your voice from the womb, and hearing you with him will be reassuring in
his new scary world. Your presence also communicates your level of
concern with the staff, they will know that you care and will seek to
better equip and inform you in your NICU journey. It will be vital to
your comfort and peace of mind to know as many of your baby's caregivers
as well as possible. Lastly, the best way to become as knowledgeable as
you can is to be present, asking questions and observing the doctors
and nurses.
2. Get on your knees. Run to the LORD for healing and comfort,
seek the face of the God who formed your precious baby in your womb and
still is holding her in His hands. He knows, He cares, He is at work
here. You will have the unique privilege of watching your baby's
development week by week, a process normally hidden from human eye. You
will see His miracle of life at work in a way that many will never see.
Seek Him for grace and strength, find grace in the everlasting arms. In
Him you will find the power and grace that you need to walk through this
difficult journey.
3. Get rest. While it is important to be there, it is equally
urgent to get good rest. You cannot help your baby when you are battling
exhaustion and a weakened body; these factors will only add stress and
weigh you down. Go home, get some sleep, eat good food. Take care of
yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
4. Pump breastmilk. Breastfed preemies flourish on a much higher
level then formula fed. When your baby has breastmilk, his chances of
developing the dreaded NEC infection are much lower. Your milk will keep
his G.I tract healthy, aid in quicker development, and provide him with
much needed immunities. Seek out a lactation consultant for help here,
if your hospital does not provide one,
La Leche League
can help you to find one in your area (or at least provide you with
some much needed information!). If your milk doesn't come in as quickly
as you're told it should, do not stress out! This was a high stress area
for me in the first few days of S' life. The sooner you relax, the
better off your supply will be. Just follow the advice of your lactation
consultant, and try to find a back-up plan if possible. If you really
are unable to pump, ask your NICU staff about donor milk. The head
doctor of our NICU ordered several ounces from a milk bank just in case,
which helped me to relax and did increase my supply.
5. Read up. One of the best things I did in those early days was to purchase a couple of books on prematurity. I found Dr. Sear's
The Premature Baby Book and Dr. Jen Gunter's
The Preemie Primer
to be especially beneficial. As I learned the medical jargon, what it
really means, and what we were potentially going to be dealing with, I
felt empowered and better prepared to advocate for my daughter.
6. Touch. Depending on how early your baby came, and how stable
their condition is, you might not be able to touch or hold them for a
long time. Ask the nurses about how you can safely touch your baby. With
S, we were told to place a hand on her head and one on her feet and
legs (no rubbing or patting as this irritates their fragile skin!) to
comfort her, because it made her feel snug and secure like she would
have been in my belly. At five days old I was able to
kangaroo
with her, which was a very healing experience for both of us. If you're
unable to kangaroo for weeks or even longer, read about it, tell the
doctors that you want to do it as soon as your baby is physically ready,
and prepare by bringing a button down shirt to the hospital. When S was
several weeks old, one of the Neonatologists really encouraged me by
praising her extreme alertness. She explained that this was due to all
of the touch and special care S had received from me. Let me tell you,
that was a happy day for me in the NICU!
7. Express your desire to be involved, ask what you can do! Most
nurses will teach you how to change your baby's diaper, give them a
bath, take their temperature. Tell them that you want to do everything
that you are allowed to do. They should be very happy to assist you in
this way!
Ultimately you are essential to your baby. You may worry that your baby
doesn't know you, that they will know their nurses better than their
mother; I did. These feelings can be devastating. Rest assured, your
baby does know you the best and need you the most! The first time I
kangarood with S, her oxygen saturation was excellent, and she cried
when they pulled her off of me at the end. It was the first time I felt
like her mom; she wanted to stay with me. It was a truly precious
moment. At 7 months old one of our favorite NICU nurses came to visit S-
S started bawling and looking for mommy the second I handed her to the
nurse. You may not feel like the mom right now, but someday soon you
will. Never question this!
Do what you can do. At the end of the day, refuse to beat yourself up for what you didn't or couldn't do. Cherish whatever time you are given with your baby. And be sure to thank God for His mercies which are new every morning!
Rachel O'Neill is the proud mama of S, her little girl who came at 27 weeks weighing 1 pound, 15 ounces. She blogs about walking with Jesus, marriage, motherhood and housekeeping at The Purposeful Wife.
Preemie Prints would like to thank and welcome new guest blogger Rachel!
